He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
