so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
