I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Buhtt sex?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
