her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
