i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
