Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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