You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
