I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
