Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
