Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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