also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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