Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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