I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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