you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
