Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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