What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
