Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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