I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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