Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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