I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
