That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
