You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
