Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
