this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
