i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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