The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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