I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I said "one day" and that day is not today
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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