Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
