Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
