I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
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Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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