My room smells like vodka and shame
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
