Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
