We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
