Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
