I wish life had little blips of pornography
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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