I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
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He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies