You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
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I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.