Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
