I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
