i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
