Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
