Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.