i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
