I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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