my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
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I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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