Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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