I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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