Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
