she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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