You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i came on her dog
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
