just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
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