let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
