It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
