Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
