Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
you made out with another girl for some wings
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
