I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
