When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
