how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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