respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
